Warning to all who read this journal: I cannot help but swear, for this is being written in the heat of the moment and I am very very pissed off. Not meaning to offend anybody, but read at your own risk pretty much.

Are you for fucking real?! It's been nearly a year since the whole "incident" happened, and you are STILL going on about it?! What the fuck? Where the fuck do you come off saying these things to me, questioning me, TRICKING ME?! AGHRHSGHSWLKGALGK!

To unconfuse anybody who is reading this and scratching their head, let me give you a brief summary. I think this is also a good way to help me reflect on events that have come to pass, and regroup so as to stop being so angry.

I met my boyfriend last January (2008). We started going out in May. In early November, one of his friends had a party. As a significant other, I went along. All the guys are really nice, and we were having a great time. One bad move that wasn't EVEN MADE by me pretty much ruined the entire night. I'm sitting next to a guy friend and my boyfriend goes to the washroom. The friend pulls me closer, then asks if he can feel me up, and starts to (in my defense I was a bit intoxicated and even though I said stop, he ignored me). My boyfriends best friends (two guys) get pissed off and start to interfere. They tell the guy to get off me, leave me alone, he has no respect, yadda yada. (All this is true, I don't dispute these facts).

I go upstairs to get away from everybody because I started feeling really bad about what my friend had tried to pull. I was crying in a room by myself when one of the guys (we will call him "Jack") comes and finds me. He tells me that I am a bad person, I should apologize to everybody at the party, I shouldn't act so defenseless, I'm inconsiderate, etc. I just keep feeling worse and worse hearing him say all of these things, so I cry more. He leaves. I then hear the guys arguing downstairs and my friend comes up to say sorry and he's going. I tell him it's fine and he should just go. The other guy we shall call "Jason" (who was the first to speak up against my friend, came to see if I was ok also, but didn't stay long as he wanted to go see his girlfriend.

Ten minutes or so goes by and my boyfriend comes upstairs. He hadn't been arguing, he just wanted to find me. I apologized and cried and he kept telling me to be quiet, it wasn't my fault, and his friends were over-reacting. (Side note: he also said "I love you" on this particular night). We get driven home by Jack, and enjoy the time spent just the two of us. I thought it was over. We bring it up occasionally when keeping our friends informed of things that have happened, but otherwise it didn't really come up in conversation.

Apparently Jack just couldn't let it go.

I was out of town and he and my boyfriend were at the same party. My boyfriend called (drunk at 2am) and told me that Jack was talking to some guys about how he still couldn't believe my boyfriend had stayed with me after what I had done. My boyfriend defended me, and then according to him Jack was mad at him for defending me. It seemed like they might not be friends anymore.

Ok, I wasn't around but I was still defended. THAT is the end...right? Wrong again. I guess bad things have to come in fucking three's.

Last night we went to his friend Jason's house. I was happy to be there and so was my boyfriend, we were having a really good night. The "incident" got brought up once I believe, very subtly and briefly. We said our goodbyes and Jack drove us to my boyfriends place. He stopped the car, told my boyfriend goodbye then said he wanted to talk to me alone. My boyfriend obliged, got out of the car, and waited for me by his front door.

Jack asks why he and I have never hooked up. I don't remember my answer word for word, but I think I said something to the effect of "you weren't single when I first met you and I was so occupied with your other friend who wouldn't leave me alone until he got my number that I couldn't really pay much attention to anybody that night." Seeming kindof satisfied with that answer, he then asked what would happen if we kissed. I was totally taken aback by this. I said we were never single at the time, so I didn't really have any answer to give. I also said I didn't want to piss him or my boyfriend off by speculating, so I figured it best to leave it at that. Just wonder, type thing. I then asked if he was curious about anything else, and he said that was it. I hugged him, got out of the car and went upstairs to bed with my boyfriend.

I come home today and tell a friend about all this. She's like "woah, majorly creepy, major stalkage, what the hell (pretty much the same reaction I had except hers was much more verbal).

I then texted Jack.

Me: "Guess I should have asked this last night, but those were just questions right? Like...not and interroggation or anything?"
Jack: "Half curiosity, half a test. I'm very happy"
Playing into his game, hoping for more answers I wrote "I take it I passed?"
Jack: "Flying colors. We had been talking about it all night and have had no chance to see how "to heart" you had taken our last talk"

Now this is where I get pissed off and write this whole rambly journal. Back to my original point: who the fuck does this guy think he is?! A "test"?! What the fuck business is it of yours how my boyfriend and I are doing?! He was basically making sure I wasn't "cheating again" and "hurting his good friend". Uh news flash: he believed me over you! He TRUSTS ME! That's why he got out of the damn car to let us have our alone time in the first place!

I'm just really fucking pissed off.

Actually...after having typed all of that, I'm more hurt now. He STILL doesn't trust me. Not that it's his business at ALL, but even after my boyfriend and I have been together a year and 4 months, Jack STILL refuses to believe that I am a faithful, good person for my boyfriend.

And now after all that...am I in the wrong? Am I just going nuts over nothing? I think I need to cuddle with my stuffies and just cry for a while...